Saturday 31 January 2015

Spending to Save

Sorry for my absence, I've had a week of being down in the dumps with no motivation to do anything other than the absolute necessities. DD2 (who has a Masters in Clinical Psychology) thinks I might be bi-polar as I have periods of intense activity when I feel on top of the world and get loads done, followed shortly afterwards by a crash when I'm so depressed and lethargic I could happily spend all day every day in bed feeling sorry for myself. I did finally take myself off to the doctor at the end of last year, but the anti depressants made me ill and I didn't gel with my counsellor so I gave up on it all and haven't been back since. 

I know I should get out and join some social groups and I did enquire about a local craft group but I seem to have developed something of a social anxiety problem and gave up on volunteering last year because I'd get so uptight before going out the door. After 30 years as a stay at home mum who devoted their whole life to raising kids, and as someone who has no interest in fashion, make up, celebrities or buying unnecessary household objects I really feel as if I have very little in common with most of the female population. I do chat at my slimming club, but then I've been going there for over 2 years so already feel comfortable and we have our diet in common. I guess I've turned into this extremely introverted person who has lost their sense of adventure and finds it hard to get pleasure out of most of the activities (even crafting and writing) that I used to love so much. Actually, losing the weight hasn't really helped because I used to love food and baking and it was my feel-good thing and I can't turn to it now if I want to keep the weight off. 

Sorry people for the unloading, I guess I really do need someone to talk to about this stuff who isn't a family member.

Well, wasn't that a fun post (NOT!). 

Now for the original purpose of this post. DH wanted to check tyre pressures today and as I had some money off vouchers for Tesco we went to their petrol station first and then I had a wander around the store. I had a £6 off a £30 spend voucher and a £2.50 club card voucher. I'd already decided to stock up on loo rolls and disinfectant, and I also bought some frozen veg, yogurts, quorn sausages, and a couple of tins of corned beef. The only things I bought not on my list were some rolls and haslet for DH's lunch. My total came to just over £32 but with my vouchers I paid just over £23. On the way home we popped into the pet shop and got 2 big sacks of cat litter. 

As I stocked up on other frozen veg during the week and I still have quite a lot of meat in the freezer, canned and dried stuff on the shelves, plus I have plenty of laundry and other cleaning materials and a stock of loo paper and toothpaste, I'm hoping I won't have to do another big shop this month, especially as we were short by £200 on DH's salary for the extra days he had off when his mum was ill and died last November. I've just about come to the end of the sealed tin coins that I've been living on during January, and that has really helped me to put extra by to offset the reduction.

Despite the reduced income I've still managed to overpay on the mortgage and, since the interest rate on our savings is currently so low, we're trying to decide whether to use part of the savings to pay a huge chunk off the mortgage so we can pay it off completely within a year or so rather than the 2-3 years we'd hoped for. If our mortgage rate was really high it would be a no brainer but our rate is low compared with most. It would be nice to actually own our house though, even if it is a wreck.

Dinner tonight is slow cooker veggie curry and rice - a bag of frozen casserole veg (£1), 2 sachets of Ainsley Harriott lentil dhal (£1 for 4 or 25p each from Approved Foods) and 350g long grain rice (approx 35p from AF). Total cost £1.85 or approx 48p a serving (4 servings).

Hope the weather isn't too dreadful where you are. We're forecast a little snow but hopefully it will clear without causing too much trouble.

That's it, I think. Sorry again for the self-indulgent ramblings. Hope you are feeling a good sight more cheerful than I've been lately. 

Love and hugs to all of you, Helen xx

19 comments:

  1. Fellow non stereotypical female here, I'm totally unconcerned with fashion, home decor and coronation street. I find social situations hard work and I'm quite contented with the company of my family. I've found more people to talk to online than I ever have in the real world and I also spend long periods of time in the grey realms......maybe we should start a club?

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    1. At least I'm not the only one, but I'm sorry you suffer too. And Corrie...yeah, I don't do soaps at all so that's another thing I can't chat about. I can honestly say I don't have one friend in real life, just a few people I'll talk to at the slimming club for half an hour and if I meet them in the street. I have one good friend online who I have email chats with quite regularly, and a few other people I talk to online from time to time. I just spend far too much time alone and if I'm on a downer I can't get motivated to keep busy and not disappear into my own thoughts. I did try finding a part time job last year, went to an employability course and did some volunteering to get some up to date references and experience, but my anxiety got the better of me and I couldn't keep it up so I'm still stuck at home, swaying between feeling okay one week and like I could sleep forever the next. I just try and make the most of the times when I'm feeling good to get stuff done that I know will be too much trouble a few days later.

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  2. You could try going back to doctors, there are dozens of different sorts of anti depressants if you only tried one something else might be better. If you are bi polar then that might not help, but do get some help if you can, it's no fun being depressed.

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    1. I know you're right but it took so much courage to go to the docs the first time I'm trying to persuade myself to go back again. I saw a really understanding lady doctor and expected to see her again when I returned for blood test results a couple of weeks later, but instead it was our really awful male doc and he was so dismissive of medication I didn't feel I could ask any questions and I haven't gone back since. It's hard enough getting an appointment as it is, even harder to ensure I get a particular doc.

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  3. I get the Black Dog breathing down my neck, at least I used to. Since moving to Wales I have been fine, sometimes just unloading helps. We are all here to listen and send virtual support and hugs. Do try to get to see a doctor though, if possible get another counsellor. Speak to the practice manager about your issue with the male doctor, you have the right to see the doctor of choice. Check and see if their is a "well woman" clinic nearby. If you would like to chat you can email me and I will send you my number. Take care Helen.

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    1. Thank you so much, Pam, you are an angel. I won't take you up on your kind offer yet, but if things get really dire then I might. I have a very understanding hubby but as his work is extremely stressful and he's had his own mental health issues I try not to burden him too much. I'm glad that your move to Wales seems to have helped with your own depression. When I had post natal depression after DD2 was born I was ill for 18 months and it took a move to the other end of the country, a complete change of scenery and lifestyle, to banish it completely. That's not possible at the moment, as much as I'd like to move from this house. Unfortunately the male doctor is the head honcho at the practice, but nobody seems to like him. I have thought about changing to another practice but DS1 did that and has ended up with a doctor just as bad. If I make another appointment I'll make sure its not with that doctor, even phone the morning of the appointment to double check. I'll look into a well woman clinic but we're sadly lacking in a lot of such services in this area.Thanks again for your encouragement and offer. Love, Helen x

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  5. Hang in there Helen - I am a bit of a non-conformist myself. Do not care much for women type chats about clothes etc. I also have trouble keeping an interest in my craft projects, at times. One day I realized much of what I used to enjoy doing had become a thing of the past. I sorted through all of my bits and pieces and donated or disposed off anything I felt was history and I felt like a huge load had been lifted.It turns out those projects were beginning to feel more like work than fun! I think this time of the year can be trying for many as well. Spring brings hope and soon it will be here. I also know what it's like to get a doctor that seems more like an army general than a healer. Have not had the best luck, but am hopeful that you will be able to insist upon seeing the doctor that you prefer. Good luck, Helen. It seems you do have several internet friends who care. Take care - Ranee from MN USA

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to write, Ranee. To tell the truth a good sort out of the whole house is needed, especially my shelves and shelves of card making things, and various carfting magazines and books...not to mention all the other stuff cluttering up the place, However, when the depression hits my motivation to do anything plummets to zero. I'm hoping spring will help when I can get out for longer walks. Thank you again for caring, love, Helen xx

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  6. At least you've acknowledged how you feel, so that's a start x I've found that other than my Mums and helping my neighbour who both live within a few roads of me the only time I actually go off the estate is to go to Asdas to do the shopping! I do like to be social and it often lifts my mood when I meet other dogwalkers whilst out with mine. I hope you figure out what would help you soon xx look after yourself xx

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    1. Thank you, Bridget. Apart from at the slimming club I don't see anyone outside of the family, and to tell the truth most of the time I'm happy with that, but I'm sure that spending too much time alone isn't good for me. I've even thought of getting a dog as an excuse to go out every day but I don't think our cats would approve and it would be one more expense and responsibility. However, dog walking helped my mum overcome her long term depression some years ago,well, that and becoming a Christian and joining a church. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, it means a lot to me xxx

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  7. I'm sorry you're having to suffer like this. If your GP hasn't already done so, I would suggest you ask for a thyroid check, just to see if your thyroxin levels are low. I understand your anxiety about going out. Since I was made redundant over two years ago now, if anything slightly out of "normal" happens I get myself into a terrible tizz beforehand, but usually everything is fine once the event happens. I think it is really difficult to develop friendships once children are grown up. Most of my friends are those I made at school, which is now nearly 40 years ago! I rarely see them but when we do get together, it's always an enjoyable occasion. I think this is the most difficult time of year to feel "happy" but it might be the ideal time to think about what would have to happen for you to find something to look forward to, something you would enjoy and maybe think about someone who might do it with you or support you in achieveing what you'd like to do.

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. I had blood tests as thyroid problems run in the family, but mine is fine. I'm sure that menopause hasnt make things any easier with all those hormonal changes. I have been looking for something new to engage my interest, but so far nothing is exciting me. I don't even know what I like any more, and certainly don't have any real goals for the future since every time we make plans things always seem to go to pot. Not every day is bad and I have weeks on end sometimes when I'm fairly okay, but when I have a bad week it sets me back for a while. Anyway, thank you for taking the trouble to write. It's really appreciated.

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  8. It's hard going at time, so good you have people to chat to at the slimming club. I've struggled with depression for years, work helps me as I've got to go. I feel better when I'm there. Hang in Helen , there are good days now and then xxx

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Jane. I know not every day is bad and just reading everybody's comments has cheered me up.

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  9. Hi Helen, the long, cold, dark days don't help us any. Glad your are back. X

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    1. Can't wait for spring, Maysie. I hate the cold. Thank you for welcoming me back xx

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